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Hi sil,

Is it wrong I still miss you? Is it wrong when I thought of you, I still feel a warm sweet feeling?
The songs that I didn't used to notice suddenly all have a different meaning.

I rather they were still just background noises when I am looking down your eyes.

I am looking forward to this friday's trip. Yet I am also scared.

What am I going to do when I walk out the airport? Am I supposed to hug you? Kiss you?Are you going to push me away?

Why am I even going there? You told me that you don't want me to go.

I said I have somethings to give you and pick up a few things.To tell you the truth, I just wanted to see you.

I wanted to see if a miracle would happen, that perhaps you would tell me you want me back in your life.

The December 5th visit was just too sweet. When I left, I was so sure that we loved each other deeply. I was so sure that you were the one I want to spend my life with. I was so sure I won't lose you. To have you tell me out of the blue two weeks later that you don't feel the same about me any more, I just don't want to accept it, I just couldn't.

I missed you so much.

I miss being able to tell you anything. Including how I feel about you.I miss being there for you when you are sad or lonely, and I miss you being there for me.

Now we've broken up, I feel too proud to admit how I feel. I know I don't hide it well anyway.You probably don't really want to hear about how I feel.

You said call you anytime you want. If that's the case I would just call you all the time like before.Perhaps that was just one of those things you say to make me feel better.... Like "I'll wait for you".

I don't know what would make me stop loving you. Maybe you would show me this weekend.

I miss you. The bitter sweet thought that never goes away.

your friend Rex

>From: "MB"
>Subject: hello
>Date: Sun, 18 Jan 2004 08:36:45 -0800
>well, right now, goomie went to her half marathon training. she'll
>be gone for about an hour, so i'm checking my mail. oh, you played
>with your boss's dogs again? that must have been fun. i saw the
>cutest husky at the park one day. it was a little too playful,
>though. it kept trying to run away from its owner. hehe! that
>would be nice if you could get a dog. i definitely don't have space
>for one either.
>oh, you went to visit albert? that's good. so, he has a new
>annoying roomie? that's good that you moved out then. are chinese
>girls that bad?
>i'm looking forward to seeing you, too. do you have anything you
>want to do when you are here? i need to find out where i can rent a
>car so we can get places when you are here. i'll call the insurance
>place and the auto repair shop to find out when i can get my car
>back. i'll be happy to see you. i'm sorry that things have to be
>different now. i miss you, too!
>see you soon,

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Hi sil,

I saw little Day and little Rex hanging on the rear view mirror. I remember that day when you decided we would make a few of these little poofs, because you liked the one your sister make.
We got into my car that one warm autum day and went to Michaels and bought a whole bag of these little colored cotton balls. A whole bag of eyes which you probably still have somewhere in your room. We looked around for little feet for an hour, finally we gave up.

When we got home, all we did was just pasting the eyes onto the cotton balls, and they had personality. One looked like a gold fish, the other like a shy little girl. You decided to call that yellow shy poof Little Day, and one which I gave messed up eyes Little Rex.

You put a string on them so we can hang them over my rear view mirror like those tacky fuzzy dices. For then on, everytime we go out, we could see Little Day and Little Rex kissing each other with every bump on the road.

I wish that is us right now. Seperated by distance, linked by an invisible string of love. No matter how bumppy the ride of life is, we could held on to each other by the love that we shared and come back to each other.

But it didn't turn out like that.

Now Little Day is still mad at Little Rex when he is up too high. They are still at each others side when all becomes still. Their string are holding strong but the string shared by the real Day and Rex have broken. So we each fell down to the ground.

One to the driver side, and one to the passenger side.

your friend Rex

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我不懂,不過我又能了解。我又不願接受,可是我能體諒。我不甘心,我要挽回,卻一句也沒說。鞭策我的那些甜蜜的細節,是妳寧願忘卻的過往。我能說什麼,先離開的是我。在那個難得烏雲密佈的五月天,我們 Four Year Anniversary 前的一個禮拜,妳在哭,我也在哭,天也陪著掉淚,一路流到終程。

回台灣兩個禮拜前的週末不是像在做夢一般甜美嗎?班機雖然晚了一個小時才到,但一出了機場就看到了妳滿臉的笑容。我們在機場正廳中擁抱,妳不像以往一樣在意旁人的眼神,唯一重要的是這一刻。我們沒有安排任何行程,就在家裡分享四十八小時中的每一秒。倚在沙發上聊天,在房間裡對著Musiq的「Don't Change」慢舞,一起煮妳愛吃的蕃薯飯,到中午十二點才跑去Mimi's Cafe求他們做早餐。那個週末,每秒鐘妳都開心的笑著,我最愛看妳這個樣子。直到離開前,在機場裡妳居然哭了。之前每次回來看妳,妳都那麼堅強轉身離去。妳和我說「這個週末太完美了。」我通過安檢轉頭看見妳還站在原地哭泣時,心都碎了。

You say "It never gets any easier."




I don't get it, but I think I can understand. I refuse to accept, but I am willing to forgive. I want you back, but I didn't say anything. Those sweet details that drives me forward, is the past you rather forget. What can I say? I left you first, in that rare cloudy mayday, one week before our four year anniversary. You were crying, I was crying, even the heavens dropped its tears, all the way to my destination.

That weekend, two weeks before I went back to Taiwan, wasn't it as sweet as a dream? Even though my flight was late for an hour, but the moment I stepped out the airport I saw your face with a huge smile. we hugged in the lobby, and you didn't mind others staring like you used to, because this moment is the only thing that mattered. We didn't plan anything. Instead we shared every second of the 48 hours together at home. We lounged around the comfee spot and chatted. We slow danced to Musiq's don't change in the room, cooked yor favorite Yam rice. We fooled around until noon, then went to Mimi's Café and begged them to make breakfast. That weekend, you seemed to smile from the bottom of your heart every single second. I love seeing you so happy like that. Until when I was leaving, you started crying in the airport. You've never done that before, you were always so brave to turn around and walk away. You said to me “This weekend was perfect.” When I passed security and turned to see you still standing on the same spot crying, my heart broke in pieces. I said to myself “she's the one”.

You say "It never gets any easier."

What did change in two weeks? When I got through the crowd, you didn't smile. When I reached out for your shoulder, you turned your face away. Our conversations wouldn't stick. Even going to Mimi's felt like sitting on a needle bed. You said it's too painful every time we part, did you rather have a quick pain to get it over with? I always thought the most attractive part about love is the thinking for each other. But when you don't wish to care for me anymore, it becomes a burden. Still indulging in our last perfect meeting, I couldn't foresee what you have been brewing underneath your mind, even though since I left, I knew this would happen sooner or later. You are like a little girl who yearns for your freedom, looking to experience the endless possibilities out there. Every time you said “I'll wait for you”, I just smile and hold you tight. I don't want to burst this beautiful bubble too soon. We still have to go to Hawaii together, go to New Zealand together, go to Alaska together and, and don't forget Italy! Next time I come we are going to San Diego, and going to the Spa, aren't we?

You kept asking me how I feel inside. So I let you know directly. When I started crying, you panicked. You cried with me, and even said you didn't want to take a break anymore, you didn't mean what you said. Too bad that's not what you really hoped for. I don't want you to lie to yourself. So it will end here. When I leave you in the airport again, I lifted off to make rain.  Four years, seven month and eight days.

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