竹板凳的漁瘟

When I woke up, I literally reached for you. Then I remembered I am not in Irvine. Then I remembered I am not with you.

I guess today will just be one of my down days.

If you didn’t leave me, this would probably be a great weekend to go back and visit. I can just see me cooking round thingy for us, and you are in your little red pajamas hugging me from behind. We would talk. We would watch a sweet movie while eating round thingy. We would be amazed at how the other person knows exactly what I wanted to do or say. It would be cold, but we would feel so warm.

But you will be having fun at the party. I’ll be here trying to hang on. Remember how you didn’t want to go watch the Lord of the rings at Sebastian’s house and I told you to go? That one is hilarious too.

I always said if you found someone, you don’t have to wait for me. But you have to tell me. I hate how our relationship ended. It was so full of resentment and I had no clue. You never answered my question in the “good luck running” post. If you had another chance, would you have done anything different? Would you still stop telling me how you really feel?

Please don’t hold things that happened 2, 3 years ago against me. I’ve changed, at least I was trying and you know it, I was trying to be more supportive of you going out to do things you want to do. Calling you on the phone all the time, and coming over twice a month has nothing to do with me not letting you have your new life style. It was just me missing you. I thought you missed me too. If you didn’t like it, you’ve never told me. You said yourself, once a month was too hard.

Please don’t hate me for going over to Irvine that weekend either. I didn’t know you already have someone else. You’ve never told me.

Knowing that you hold these things against me just hurts so much. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can still see the way you looked at me. I wish there’s someone who I can talk to but all I can do is write about it and hope to get a response.

Love isn’t easy because if it is, it wouldn’t be precious. How hard is it to find a person who feels the same way you feel for them. I thought we had that. Now it seems like you and Sebastian have that.

Are you treating Sebastian to round thingys since he doesn’t know what it is?

I know, you don’t like reading this stuff. You probably will think that we are over this. Sorry.