竹板凳的漁瘟

Anytime - Brian McKnight

I can't remember why we fell apart
From something that was so meant to be, yeah
Forever was the promise in our hearts
Now, more and more I wonder where you are

Do I ever cross your mind, anytime
Do you ever wake up reaching out for me
Do I ever cross your mind anytime
I miss you

Still have your picture in a frame
Hear your footsteps down the hall
I swear I hear your voice, driving me insane
How I wish that you would call
To say

Do I ever cross your mind, anytime
Do you ever wake up reaching out for me
Do I ever cross your mind anytime
I miss you

I miss you

(No more) loneliness and heartache
(No more) crying myself to sleep
(Don't want no more) wondering about tomorrow
Won't you come back to me
Come back to me, oh

Do I ever cross your mind, anytime
Do you ever wake up reaching out for me
Do I ever cross your mind anytime
I miss you

I miss you

=========================================================================

Did you ever wear the necklace that you loved so much again?
Did you ever wear the jacket I bought you?
Do you like it? You kept saying it's been windy, did it help you keep warm?

I miss you...

Hi baobei,

I was looking up running clubs around here and the closest running club is 30 minute away without traffic and there is always traffic. Then I realized, you are in a great place right now. I mean you live 5 minutes away from work. You live in the best part of Irvine, right next to the lake, in the center of all the activities. You live in Irvine, the nicest place I have ever lived in, and I lived in quite a few places in my life, none compare to Irvine. You are only one hour away from your parents’ home. You are only 30 minutes away from dragon boat practice. Last be not least, you are only 40 minutes away from the person you want to spend time with. Far enough so you don’t see each other everyday, but close enough to see each other anytime you want to. Granted you might feel like you don’t make enough money to really do what you want. But once you pay off your loan and your car, you have lots of free money to manage.

I know your job is tough and you are tired of it. I do think you should start looking for what you want to do in the future. Maybe even apply for some interviews and get some idea of what’s out there. But just hang on for one more year and you will get your license. Then the avenue of choice will open up to you. So just hang on a little longer, and everything will work out. I hope you get to like your job again, at least not let it bring you down so much, because you do have a great life. I am glad for you.

As for me, my boss’s wife gave me a bottle of Caladryl. I have to say it doesn’t really help. But the patches are getting less intense. I guess that’s always good.

Comedy network is coming out with a show to make fun of the Queer Eyes for the Straight Guy, called “Straight Plans for the Gay Man”. Hahaha. It’s about the Flab Four teaching gay man what it means to be straight. I haven’t seen it, but sure sounds pretty funny.

By the way, check your mail on Friday.

I miss you. Life is not the same without you.

Urs Rex

By the way, are you going to run in the wine country 5k?
By the way, what are your plans for your 3 day v-day weekend?

Day,

There is no right or wrong about how your feelings for me changed.
Of course that breaks my heart, but besides hoping to get you back, there are no blaming or pointing fingers.

You don't need to feel selfish or anything.
If Sebastian makes you happier than when you are with me, there's nothing I can do about it.
If seeing him during the weekends is more exhilarating than seeing me on the weekends, there nothing I can do about it.
If talking to him is more meaningful than talking to me, if you rather confide in him than confide in me,
I have failed at some point, and I didn't make you happy. I'll just have to accept that.
There is no anger towards you. Though there are lots of it towards myself.

I don't want you staying with me because you pity me.
I want the Day who wanted to stay with me because she loves me and wants to experience life with me.
Like how I want to experience life with her.
You don't need to feel sorry for me or pity me now either.
All I wanted is that you care about me, because you are my best friend.

I am upset, however, with the way you dealt with our relationship in the end.
At some point, when we were still together, you felt like you rather not talk to me about how you feel.
When you just left me and don't want to talk to me at all.
I felt I was a piece of an old toy, and you just want to shove me away and have nothing to do with it.
It is really unfair. I don’t deserve this. I care about you so much.

I don't want you to feel guilty when you think of me.
That is why you shouldn't just push me away or hide from me.
I don't want to be just one of your "acquaintances". I want to be your friend.
Someone you want to talk to. Someone you have fun hanging out with.
Someone you call up and ask how they are doing.
When you ever come by the Bay Area, you would want to drop by and visit me.
Or call me up one day and ask me to come down because you want to see me.

I am glad you are willing to write to me now.
Maybe we should have done this even when we were still together.
But it's not too late to start the healing process, right? ^_^~

I don't want to affect your mood when you are working, so I won't send you this through e-mail.
You can just read this on your own time in your cozy room.

For now, I wish you have a great morning and that work will get better for you.
Hope you have no guilt and no worries when you are with the one you love.
please know if you ever need me, I'll be there for you.

I'll miss you,

Yours,
Rex

p.s. I'll e-mail you my address later.
p.p.s. This girl looks like you in your comfee spot.






>Subject: hi
>Date: Thu, 12 Feb 2004 07:41:31
>
>R,
>
>I read your message board. I will start writing to you more. It is
>unfair that you share your emotions and you always get left out in the
>cold with mine. I don't have much time right now, but I wanted to let
>you know that I still think about you from time to time. I worry about
>whether you are getting better. I feel bad that I left you alone in san
>jose. I have a feeling of guilt. I felt like I was being selfish. Was
>I being selfish? Was I wrong to do what I did? To me, it doesn't feel
>wrong, but when I think of you, I feel bad. I think of how unfair it
>was to you. I just don't know sometimes. In a way, I wish that you
>were angry with me because I would understand why you were mad at me.
>but you don't seem mad at me and I just don't know how to deal with
>that. I want you to be part of my life, but there are things I need to
>sort out right now and I just don't know where you fit in. I hope this
>is fine for now.
>
>D
>
>p.s. I bought you a present, perhaps you can call it a x-mas,
>valentine's, birthday gift. I wanted to send it to you with some of
>your mail. What is your address again? If you would rather I didn't
>send you the stuff, just let me know.

I dreamt about you again.

I went to your place, but it looked like a new place.
I think you are the only one living there.

There are 3 or 4 rooms, with a hall way surrounding the living room.
Sun is setting and bright orange light is pouring in through the windows.

I came in looking for you, but I couldn't find you.
And I saw your green backpack laying at the end of the hall way,
So I figured you are home.

I went sat down on the lover chair then you came out.
When you saw me, you gave me a smile and asked how I was doing.
You walked towards me and sat next to me in the lover chair.

You looked beautiful. With your hair down to your shoulders and wearing a light sweather.
You said "Rexy, I want to talk to you about your travel."
Then you took your hand and played with my hair.

I didn't understand what travel you were talking about,
but for some reason I felt so sad, and I broke down in tears.
You are so nice to me. You haven't been for a while.
Not even in my dreams.

You put your hands over me. I said "I don't want to go, I want to stay here with you."

You didn't say anything. You just smiled and we hugged for the longest time just feeling being next to each other.

Then I woke up...



Day, can you find sometime to write me an e-mail about how you've been feeling?
From the time that your feelings changed.
I know it's hard to talk on the phone because we let our emotions get in the way.
But if you write it down, you can tell a more complete story.

I want to know how you are doing.
Let's start our communications by writing to me, please? ^_^~

Sil,

The Day Patches won't go away!

I put on lotion but it didn't help at all!
I used the anti-itch ones too.

Now it feels like it's even growing on my right eye *_*
It itch and hurt so much /_\

Make it stop day~
I wish you were here to tell me it's going to be ok.

Hopefully it will go away before i sleep.

I cooked couscous today. Haven't had it for a while.

Do you have any plans for the Valentaine's day yet?

There is a saying, if you buy shoes for your boyfriend or girlfriend that means you want to end the relationship, becasue you want them to go away.

It's just funny that happens to be the last thing we bought for each other.

Today I was trying to put one of our 800 pounds rack in the the shipping crate. The crate was badly designed, and to get the damn thing to close, the metal part of the crate slamed in to my right middle finger. Blood came out right a way and I have a pretty deep cut on it. I think it's not just good things that comes in pairs.

So right now I have a bandage soak through with blood on my right hand, and day patches that refuses to quit everywhere else.

I am going to buy some anti-itch lotion that I bought for my mom, so maybe I can actually get some sleep. That is if I am lucky to be dreamless.

Eventhough I take what I said back, I think if you want your relationship with Sebastian to work well, you shouldn't keep bugging him about your ex-boy friend. Just be yourself and focus your attension to him. I hope everything works out.

Last week I thought we had fun on our phone calls. I thought our communications is getting better, but it would seem like that was just me. I don't know what made you decide you don't want to talk to me anymore, but it's unlikely you would share the reason with me.

I guess from now on, I won't see you, hear from you, our even get your e-mails. I won't bug you besides through writing on this board. Which you don't have to visit if you choose not to.

There's no doubt now what you want from me. Just leave you alone. I don't see how you will ask me to be your friend in the future. Still I wish for that day to come. You have control for everything since the breakup, all I can do is wait. I hope you will remember the promise.

So that's it. I got the boot and now I'll just get out of your way.

I'll miss you. Hope you sometimes think of me.

Hi Day,

Don't mind me (well, I don't really need to ask),
That was a stupid thing to ask.

I can't even be your friend when I really need one.

I know after you hang up on me, you probably just went ahead and call Sebastian about me harrassing you.

Why has our relationship come to this?
If you didn't have Sebastian right away, would you still be so cold to me?

The thought of you telling him about us just tears me up inside.
If it's about me, I want to be there.
He is probably glad that you can confide to him.
Day, what did I do?

I asked you not to talk to him, but that's not fair of me.
So I'll take it back. If he gets to be your confidant and I don't even get to talk to you, then so be it.
It just hurts, that's all.

Last night my Day patches got a lot worse.

I was covered from neck to toe.
My whole body swelled up and I look like a fat person.

It was a painful night inside and outside.

Good night sil,

I forgot to say to you.

I'll admit, since losing you I haven't been able to sleep very well because I dream about you and when I wake up I couldn't get back to sleep.

But today is just unbearable!

At first it just itched at one spot. I didn't wake up. I probably just itched in my sleep. But soon, it spread to more and more places. And it started burning. Finally it woke me up. I tried to ignore it but slowly I started itching them consiously. I started wondering why am I itching? Could there be millions of bed bugs biting me? I looked at the clock, it was barely 4 in the morning. Relactently, I got out of the bed and turned on the light. I looked at the bed, it was fine. But I had all these red marks all over my upper body which really itched.

I decided to wash my bedding at once then I was ready to take a shower. That when the itching marks started to look very familiar. They have turned into these elevated patches. Looks just like what you used to have freshman and sophemore years.

Having experienced them first hand, I realize how much you were in pain everytime they came. Poor sil. Though you looked beautiful even with them on you.

When I took a shower, they were bruning up. Now finaly they are slowly going away and it's already 5:30. This is going to be a long day....

I guess I didn't need to wash my beddings since it's just me, not bugs.

This is probably the worst way of missing you. Being in painful patches that looks like what you used to have. I've got Day Patches....

I hope you are not experiencing this anymore.

You must be happy right now. Is he pretty when he is asleep? Is he as pretty as Leehom here in the picutre? ^_^~

Hi sil,

By now you are probably home from the party. I hope you had fun. And I hope you spent lots of time with your old friends, you don’t get to see them often. Tell me about the party when you have time.

Well, yesterday I worked out with Dave and Fred. They are seriously buff. When we were working out, Dave was talking about how he tried to wax his girlfriend’s down there. That was… pretty awkward. He said he used hot wax and he made it too hot and he didn’t hold her skin. She was in so much pain, she didn’t let him go through with it. First of all, those are pretty bad ideas. Second of all, pretty weird at work. Third, was I supposed to say something to that? Like suggested the wax we use? Err…

Afterward I was thinking, why did you let me do it to you? It must have hurt just as much. You let me do it more than once too. I always felt so bad for doing it. Did you do it just to please me? I guess I won’t understand why you would do that for me. Just like you probably won’t understand why I would give you two thousand dollars to pay off your car faster.

Is there no way to save the care we had for each other?

I went out today. I first went to the Redwood City yacht harbor. No one was there. Even though the sun is shining for the first time in a month, but it was still freezing. Then I went to the Great Mall. Apparently the only covered mall in Bay Area.

What are you doing now?

China has the largest cell phone market in the world.
It is also one of the first markets my company tried to push the location technology into.

But there was a brand new China movie called "Cell Phone", directed by "Fong Xiao Gang" that scared the entire Chinese population crapless (actually a great enviromental movie).

It is about how cellphone is used to invade other's privacy.

Including knowing the exact location of others, down to what building, which floor and what room number. The the cheating husband is caught by his ex-wife and current girl firend.

Let's hope that is just another movie like "The Net", no one will stop using the internet just because of a stupid movie, hope no one will throw away their cell phones just because of a movie.

Actually, it is just impossible to get that accurate, especially indoors. But it's funny to hear the Chinese scared pants less by cell phones, when their government probably knows where they are all the time.

hahaha~